Ayòdéjì Israel
​

as a Nigerian youth, depression is Juice WRLD's 

            wishing well 

                                plugged

into my eardrums. drugs dangling in my right

             palm, 

                                pure water 

in my left palm, headache holding me hostage 

             inside 

                                my forehead. 

Mohbad's music slipping out of the black 

             stereo speaker 

                                on my wooden

shelf, telling me that a two-centimeter 

             ruler 

                                is longer 

than the length of my life. news from the radio 

             set, telling 

                                how a boy 

of my age hung his neck on the OAU campus 

             because 

                                of hardship. pity 

in my mind, fear in my heart, my body 

              inside 

                                  a black polo 

tshirt bought for four hundred naira 

              in bodija 

                                  market. news 

from my android phone, showing how a boy 

              of my

                                   age 

bought a Toyota Venza car that my father 

              cannot 

                                  afford. memories 

in my brain, Tayo's #EndSars death running 

              towards my 

                                  throat, playing back

how the protest against bad governance ended 

             with her head 

                                   receding

back to its maker. my 300 level result carryover 

             staring at me. king 

                                   Solomon

forcing Ecclesiastes into my eardrums. i think 

              about God. Bible 

                                   on the table 

sermoning me, showing how God saved the world

              by giving 

                                    us his only 

son, & i realized that he saved his son by taking him 

               out of this 

                                     world. how giving 

can also mean taking, how taking can still be 

               giving. i am 

                                      caught in between 

God's decisions — the ceiling fan dancing, breath 

               in my lungs, 

                                      pills 

in my hand, death 

               in my palms.